A matter of worth

Recently I experienced a very unexpected dose of criticism towards me moving to Africa.  I have always expected to be questioned and criticized but silently and not so openly to my face.  After having a few days to process the "conversation" I am still left in awe. 

I know that my WANTING to voluntarily move permanently to a place that many people see as dangerous does not make much sense (to them).  To me, it makes perfect sense.  To God, it is His command to me.

Although many hurtful things were said during the conversation, there is one thing that has my heart in shambles.  This person said to me that "you can do good here, why go there - those people don't matter."  In this journey I have learned that I do not have to defend myself - God will do that for me.  Every hurtful thing said to me I could let roll off and not feel the need to lash back and debate or defend.  However, when he said that they don't matter I was rendered speechless.  My heart crumbled right there and there was no way to express my thoughts.

They don't matter.  That statement won't leave me.  It has been playing over in my head for days now.  It haunts me. 

I am trying very hard to not be angry.  But I am.  I'm angry at the ridiculous amount of ignorance and down right hatred there is in this world.  I'm deeply saddened.  Beyond words.

I am not writing this to defend myself or to lash out at the person (who will probably never read this) but more so to process this thought that I know other people have and hopefully shed light on the truth.

Is Mali dangerous?  There are some issues in Mali at this time that could be considered dangerous.  But as a whole is it dangerous?  I would say No.  Will my life or the lives of my teammates be in immediate danger?  No!  If that was the case I can assure you we would not be allowed back in the country or to remain there.

I hate writing the above statements.  Because as naive or stupid some may think I am - danger is not an issue for me.  Some times God calls us to take risks and do things that might be within harms way.  Not because He is a mean God or doesn't care about my safety but because He has a plan and a purpose and you know what - THOSE PEOPLE MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They matter to me.  They matter to God.  Their lives MATTER!!!!!!!

My going to Mali is not going to change the country.  God can do everything He wants to do in Mali all by His self with no help from pathetic little me.  But He wants me to help!  God wants me to partner with His heart for His beloved Malian people to share the love of Jesus and to care for their physical needs.  God wants me there.  I want to be there.

Right now I am going to choose to restrain my words.  Which is very hard for me.  There is a dangerous mindset that I see in America.  A mindset that thinks we are the only ones that matter, that we need to take care of ourselves and our own, that we shouldn't give up our resources to help others.  This mindset frightens me.  And I believe this mindset breaks God's heart.

Is there need here in America? YES!!!  There is great need here that needs to be addressed and taken care of.  I recognize that and I pray that God will raise up people to be champions for the hurting here.  However, I know that I am not one of the ones called here.  I have been commanded to Go and so GO I will.

The precious lives of the hurting and the poor in America matter.  They matter to me.  They matter to God.  But they do not matter more than the lives of the hurting and the poor in Mali.  Or any other country in our world.  Not one life matters more than another.  EVERY LIFE MATTERS no matter what country you live in. 

I am gladly "giving up" my life here in America to live a very different life in Africa.  Am I special for doing so?  Absolutely not.  But I will tell you that doing so brings me a huge amount of joy.  Will life be easy for me in Africa?  No, probably not.  Will I miss the conveniences of America?  Yes, yes I will.  Will I feel misunderstood, like an outsider, or disliked there as I am here?  Yes, more than likely. 

So why would I willingly give up the comfort, security, convenience, and instant gratification of the American life?  Because, THEY MATTER and I love them!