Fasting On Purpose: Week 3

Three weeks down, one week left in March.  Where have the days gone?  Seriously?!

The days all kind of blur together anymore for me...

If you have joined with me this month in the Fasting on Purpose, For a Purpose I would love to hear about how your month has been going!  Three weeks into this I have definitely found out some things about myself.  How about you?

I have discovered I really like to eat... junk.  [Insert sad face here]  I don't know if it is because my days are full of quite a bit of stress but my mind honestly believes a couple chocolate bars are an adequate meal.  Oh.my.goodness.

Oh and don't forget the more sugar, the better.  Dear me.

I have been having Rice & Beans for my evening meals which I love.  I have found that the two recipes that are my favorite are the Rice & Beans for Lazies and the African Rice & Beans.  Yummy!  Thanks to the African Beans & Rice I have a new found love for coconut milk.  Which is truly odd to me because I do not like to eat coconut!  However, I have found that coconut milk is amazing to cook with and have begun using it in many other recipes instead of cow's milk.

I don't know if it's just me personally, a result of living in America for 26 years or simply a combination of the two, but this last three weeks have brought out a not so pretty reality about my relationship with food.  Basically, it's not healthy.  Well, that's not necessarily a new found revelation but it has been a definite reminder.  And these last three weeks have left me longing for the simplicity of African cuisine.  Although, yes I know it will be a HUGE adjustment!  Better start now.

In addition to eating Rice & Beans for one meal a day I also set out to spend more time in focused prayer.  How's that going, you ask?  Well, let me put it this way... I'm really not good at fasting.

Although I have been better this month at having a good amount of time set aside each day to read my Bible and pray, I have not been as focused as I had planned.  Unfortunately I have allowed other things to get in the way of my focused prayer time.  This has been disappointing for me.

In looking back over these past three weeks, if I were to give myself a grade, I would give myself a C.  I would also say I have failed more times than I succeeded.

In looking back over these past three weeks, I have learned that the grade I give myself actually doesn't matter and I will always lean towards being harsh to myself.  I have learned that the fact that I even wanted to do this fasting thing this month honored the Lord.  I learned that Jesus is not looking for success, He is looking for my Yes.  I have learned that I put a lot, I mean A.stinking.Lot of stock into the need to do.

These three weeks have brought out an ugly truth within my heart.  I have become slightly obsessed with the need to do.  In the mornings I can't just sit with the Lord, worship Him along with the IHOP web-stream, or just sit in His presence and listen.  No!  I need to read more chapters in my bible!  I need to pray and pray and pray harder and longer.  I have this nagging in my mind that if I'm not doing something for Jesus, He is not going to be pleased with me.

I have also learned this month that, that nagging feeling is straight from the pit of hell.

Are there things in my life Jesus has and will call me to do?  Yes, there are.  In fact my current life situation is one of those very things.  Jesus called me to move to Mali and so the second step in getting there is to live in France for a year and learn French.  All righty then.  I am doing that.  But there is a switch in my head that gets turned on that says It's not enough!

Well then, if that sort of obedience is not enough then I might as well abandon ship now.  Because nothing will ever be good enough.

I have learned that these expectations I have been trying to meet, were never given to me by Jesus.  Jesus doesn't want my doing.  He wants my being.  Jesus doesn't want my doing.  He wants my heart.  Jesus doesn't want my doing.  He wants me to just simply say yes to Him.

Jesus wants my tiny, shaky, weak yes.

Yes, I will listen to You.
Yes, I will obey when You call me to do something.
Yes, I will love You the best I can.
Yes, I will love the people you put in my life the best I can.
Yes, I will.  Yes, Jesus I will be Your's.
Yes.

If you have fallen into the snare of doing this month, I dare you to ask yourself these questions... Why am I doing this?  What do I seek to gain by doing this?  Who am I doing this for?

Although this month has had an different effect than I was expecting, I am thankful for what God is showing me!  I am thankful that even in my weakness and prideful blindness He still reaches out to teach and lead me.

The point of this month was never about the Fasting as it was the PURPOSE behind it... Putting the needs of others before mine.  Loving the people God has put in my life.

As we finish the last week of this month I ask you to really take to heart the needs that I have presented to you.  Let's meet needs.  Even if we ourselves have unmet needs.  Let's be the body of Christ and love in tangle ways!

Amazima Ministries
Carlson Family's Adoption
The Otto Family
A Lighted Path