When worry begins to settle in my heart a war breaks out in my mind. The worrisome thoughts come flying in, too fast to even get them all straight. Worry upon worry upon worry. Then there is the still small voice that whispers, do not worry.
Do. Not. Worry.
What?!?! Are you kidding me? Yes, I'm going to worry about this and that and whatever I darn well want to worry about. What are you talking about Jesus? You have NO idea how hard this is right now! Yeah, it's easy for you to say don't worry... You're not the one going through this!
This may or may not be one of many dialogs that go through my mind as the worry settles in and makes it's home in my heart. A place that Holy Spirit is supposed to call home. A place not big enough for two tenants. One gets pushed out. I won't admit which gets the boot more often.
I worry and worry and worry but in the end I worry for nothing.
Worry sets in when a ministry funder suddenly backs out. Even then I'm told, do not worry.
Worry sets in when I go to class and I'm scared stiff to be called on because I fear I will get the answer wrong. Even then I'm told, do not worry.
Worry sets in when I think of the unknown of my future. Even then I'm told, do not worry.
And then, just when I think the worry will eat me alive, God lifts the burden and the worry falls away like the leaves fall from the tree in fall. It falls with grace and beauty.
He lifts the burden because it was never mine to bear. He calls a couple who are already giving so much to give even more and they do it with a cheerful heart. He whispers the answer to the jumbled and confusing french question into my mind and I can breathe again. He sends me a little boy named Aden who looks at me as if I am a shining star, the only one in the room and my heart never fails to flutter. That boy brings a smile to my face no matter how concrete the frown my appear.
And when the weight of worry seems to be too much to bear He prompts friends to send me messages like this...
Psalm 62:4-8
As the question, "Why am I here?" arose this morning, the answer I came up with first was even if I am only here to intercede for Nicole that would be okay. Today, soak in his presence, study, sing and sleep. Don't stress! You are his beloved's and that will never change! Keep seeking :) proud of you, friend!!
When the worry is great and my faith is small He is faithful! His faithfulness in my life tends to shine through the precious and dear lives of those my journey has left behind. My community of friends back home, although thousands of miles away, are the ones who are holding up my arms and willing to believe when I find it hard.
I am slow to learn.
No comments:
Post a Comment