desert wanderer

"Not all who wander are lost."  J.R.R. Tolkien 

The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years because of their disobedience to God.  Did they just get lost along the way and end up walking around in big circles for years?  After seeing the same cave, stream, tree time and time again I think they might have thought to themselves or out loud, "I think we are lost!  Dude Moses, didn't God give you a map?!?!"

There are times that we wander because of our sins.  

Then there are times when we are lead into the desert.  We are lead into the dry and barren desert by the Spirit because we need to be refined.  Jesus was lead into the desert right after being baptized to be tempted by satan.  Jesus didn't just get lost finding His way back to His house.  God lead Him to the desert on purpose.

In many ways we are all wanderers.  

My home is not anywhere here on earth.  Each country and town God leads me to while I live here in this world is just temporary.  Ultimately my home is in another age, in a kingdom that God is establishing, a new heaven and a new earth.  My home is eternity.  Eternity with Jesus as King.

I imagine as the Isrealists wandered around in the desert all those years it would have been so easy to doubt God and turn their backs on His laws and commands.  However, they were never without a visible sign that God was with them.  That He was leading them.  That if they would just believe and follow they would leave the desert!  

Each day a cloud protected them and showed them where to go.  Literally a cloud [I picture God holding this puffy white cloud in His hand moving it as He desired, leading His rebellious wayward people] lead them each day.  What about night?  In God's other hand He held a pillar of fire leading them to where they should go and rest.  There was safety for them in that pillar of fire.  What else?  Oh yeah, they were feed the perfect amount each day by mana, water came from a stone, their shoes and clothes did not wear out.  They had tangible things to hold on to in order to not lose heart, to not lose faith, to not lose hope.  Their problem was, like me, they easily forgot.  They forgot what God had done.  They forgot what they had seen God do.

I have known the desert many times in my life.  I know that some of those times of wandering in the desert was because of sin.  Other times my wandering was because I forgot.  And others still were because I chose the desert over the promise because the desert felt comfortable and I was afraid of the promise land.  

Right now my feet are covered in the sand of the desert.  I am a desert wanderer.  

I've been lead by the Spirit to be refined in the desert. 

This desert season was ordained by God.  My wandering is not. 

But I am, I'm wandering like the Isrealists in the desert.  I've been wandering through days where my mind feels overloaded and shuts down in response.  I've been wandering through days clinging to social media in order to stay connected to home because I am terrified to lose its comforts and security.  I've been wandering through days where I just feel lost.  I've been wandering through days where I desperately try to hold on to the promises God has given my but allow my circumstances to steal my vision and my joy.  I've been wandering through days so scared to fail at learning French and in failing disappointing many people, especially God.  

I've been wandering.

Right now I may be wandering but I am not lost!  I may have forgotten the signs I have seen but Holy Spirit is faithful to remind me.  I may be in the desert but I will not be left here.  Israel did enter the promised land and so will I.  

God has promised me Mali.

He has promised me Africa.

He has promised me children.

He has promised to name me Mother of many.       

He has promised.

No matter how dry and barren and draining this desert is I will not wander forever.  I am not a lost desert wanderer.  I have a promise and it is not my job to bring it to completion!

And I know Jesus loves me, His little desert wanderer.