God is bigger...

Nights have been hard for me.  Most days I can hold it together but then at night I tend to crumble.  The last few nights I have begun to feel the weight of the coming days.  In just 4 days I will move.  This is it, the BIG move.

Last night as I laid in bed trying to sleep, my mind racing, my heart racing, my stomach in knots, I couldn't do anything but cry out to the Lord.

Just when I think the tears have dried up they pour out again.  Just when I think I am all alone, Holy Spirit comes closer.  Just when I think I CAN NOT do this, my God whispers, no you can't but I can and I will!

There are times when I think the anxiety will eat me alive.  But God is so good.  I have recently began doing some inner healing with a local ministry and let me tell you... there is power in the words we speak!  I am someone who struggles to believe the truth of God for my life.  I believe truth for others - who they are in Christ, their identity, that they are loved - but I have a really hard time allowing myself to believe it in me.  But that is breaking off.  Praise God!

So last night as the waves of anxiety began to grow and gain speed, getting ready to take me out... I spoke out, truth.  I declared God's truths over my emotions, over my life.  I declared God's leadership in my life and that I trust Him and asked Him to help my unbelief.

He did.

He came close.

He stopped that waves in their tracks.

Anxiety got taken out but I didn't.

I fell asleep last night with so much peace.  Wrapped in the Lord's arms, close to His heart and safe in His warm embrace.

There is so much freedom for me when I speak out what I am feeling and give it to the Lord.  No matter how small, trivial, dark, secret... nothing shocks Him so why hold back?!  I am learning how much satan loves to screw with our emotions.  But he doesn't have the right to do that!  Emotions are not bad, they were given to us from God.  God is emotional.  When He fashioned and formed us, He made emotions a part of our being.  He just never meant for them to rule us - that is His place.