unicorn poop

*Disclaimer: You have been warned. This post is full of me. If you know me, you will then understand this disclaimer.*

I have not seen one unicorn poop rainbows and butterflies.  Not one!  I'm a bit peeved by this.  Surly there must be some magical unicorn poop around here somewhere...

I am a closet dreamer.  In the fact that I have stacks and stacks of dreams nicely stored in my closet and sometimes when I open the door a few of them slip out and people hear about or see them.  Otherwise they are nicely stored behind a closed door.

Can I just be honest?  I feel a bit uneasy and naive admitting this but it's gotta get out of me!  Moving to Africa was dream numero uno for me.  Like seriously, my biggest dream.  The kind of dream that keeps you up at night making up scenarios and imaginary houses and pretend people who all live in this fairy-tale dream life.  I imagined a big white unicorn galloping around my yard leaving behind nice, neat piles of rainbows and butterflies as it relieved itself.

Ok, the unicorn never actually made its way into my imaginary daydream sessions however the ideal of perfection, larger than life excitement, and joy unspeakable did.  I might as well have been imagining make-believe furry creatures.

What I am trying to say is... Life here is much different than I thought it was going to be.

A dear friend and mentor recently spoke some truth into my life.  She has a way of saying the hard things to me and yet I leave the conversation still feeling loved.  I love her for that.  I want more of that. She listened to me ramble about the mess my heart has been in lately.  She listened and then promptly combated the lies of the enemy with truth.  One thing I said to her was, "It's hard living in Mali. It's always going to be hard to live here. I just need to get over that."

If she would have dropped of few expletives I would not have blamed her.  She's really good at the whole truth in love thing.  I need to take more notes...

Stop speaking curses over yourself! Saying, it will always be hard to live in Mali, will make it hard to live in Mali. The things is... you can have JOY anywhere you live, even in the hard places! If you are seriously connected to Jesus, loving Him, listening to Him, He will make joy overflow in you!

Arrow to the heart. I knew instantly that she was right. I wanted to cower in the corner for a bit and continue the pity party I had been throwing. But I knew what she was saying to me was truth.

I want joy in my life. I want to love it here. I want my life here to be full of joy within and all around me. Despite the realities of life here. I want it.

Wanting something doesn't make it happen.  Sometimes you have to get off your butt and pursue it. Sometimes you have to sew your mouth shut so that your words don't curse yourself and others. Sometimes you have to unstitch those lips and speak out what is true... even when you don't actually believe the truth... yet.

Sometimes you have to sweep up the imaginary unicorn poop and open the gate to let said unicorn run free.