Baptism

I was baptized as an infant. I am thankful for that act of God so early in my life. My parents did not attend church but they both grew up going and I believe that in their hearts they believed that baptism was/is a very important step in life. Either that or you know it's just what you do - you baptize your kids. I really don't care why they chose to have me baptized, I'm just thankful they did.

When I was 19 my life was a bit of a mess. Just sayin'. I was very far from the Lord and my life did not have any resemblance of a person who loved Jesus. I would go to church every Sunday, because that's what I was supposed to do. Every so often the message would pierce my heart but at the time my heart was so cold nothing would change.

I was holding on to hurt. I was angry with God. I was stuck in habitual sin. I was a hot mess!

When I looked in the mirror I saw a failure. I saw a person who I didn't like or really even recognize. The "yes" in my heart that I had given the Lord was beginning to turn into a "no". I looked into the mirror and saw a wounded girl who held her arms out desperately trying to defend herself from the pain around her. These arms were meant to keep God out.

If you don't know, you holding your arms out in an attempt to keep God at a distance really will not stop Him. You see God knew all that was in my heart. He knew the hurt. He knew the anger. He knew the bitterness. He knew how hard my heart was. He looked at me and instead of seeing a lost cause He choose to RELENTLESSLY pursue me. He told me "I love you" a billion times. He wrapped His arms around me again and again no matter how many times I pushed Him away. He chased me down every time I ran away - and when He got me the only thing that came from His lips were words of loving kindness.

Then something happened - the walls began to crack. Truth began to seep in and my heart began to be chiseled. I slowly began to want God again. I slowly began to desire Jesus. And I started to really listen to the message on Sundays.

On July 30, 2006 my life was wrecked. In a good way that is. That night in church they were baptizing people. These ones had gone through classes and were now for the first time getting baptized. The pastor gave an amazing message and then invited these new and old believers to "die to themselves and be raised with Christ".

Something deep inside shifted while I watched these people get baptized. A cry was released from within me. A new desire was birthed. And the Holy Spirit was working and moving big time!

During the baptisms people were praying for each other all around me. The Spirit was moving and doing great things! The room was alive and the Lord was there. All the while I sat in my chair and wept. I wept over my sin. I wept over my rebellion. I wept over how much I missed Jesus. I wept over my poor decisions. I wept.

But I was not alone. There next to me was Jesus, weeping. He wept over my sin. He wept over my rebellion. He wept over how much He missed me. He wept over my poor decisions. He wept, over ME.

He wept and then He looked at me and asked me a question, "Do you want a new life? Nicole, do you want to be made new?" YES, YES JESUS I WANT TO BE NEW!!!!!!! "Then, be baptized."

Well that didn't make sense. The only people being baptized were those who took the class. Well, that was until the pastor decided that anyone who felt lead to be baptized should come forward. Right then, right there, come be made new.

I sat for some time. I cried. I struggled. I didn't know. I didn't feel worthy. I was scared. I was most definitely not dressed to get into a horse tank full of water! I almost said no. But there was no way Jesus was letting me out of this... He pursued me that night until the chains of shame and guilt that Satan had wrapped around me broke and I ran to that horse tank!

I approached the pastor and declared my desire for more of Jesus, my desire to be made new in Him, to leave my old life sin and run hard after a life that pleased the Lord. The pastor prayed for me and lead me in prayer and in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit he baptized me. Right there, right then in a horse tank.

The water was cold. I thought my heart would escape from my chest. As the water rushed over my head and I was under the water I died. And as I came up from under the water and air filled my lungs I came alive. In that moment I really did pass from death to life.

That day the Lord put a cry in my heart and a declaration in my spirit. "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away [died]; behold, the new [life] has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17 - parentheses mine. I was a new creation! I was alive.

I have come to understand that baptism is not just an event, baptism is a lifestyle. Paul writes about living each day dead to ourselves (our sinful flesh) and live in the resurrection of Christ Jesus. Romans 6:1-14 says,

"What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means!How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection life his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. OD not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."

You are His beloved!
~Nicole