Spoiled

After a long day and a late night I sat on my living room floor and looked around. At this time most of my material possessions are now in 1 of 3 places: 1) sold and in other people's homes 2) in a pink tub 3) in a donation pile in the corner of my kitchen. Last night it hit me pretty hard - I'm spoiled.

I do believe in working hard for the things you need and want. I have worked hard for many years and have provided a nice life for myself. I have a nice new car, a brightly decorated apartment, a good job. I have worked hard but I have never felt fulfilled or satisfied with what I have.

As I looked around my very empty apartment I came to an understanding the vast difference between what I need and what I want. I live in abundance but always seem to want more. The reality that I have more than I need made me feel a little sick actually.

When you spend any time in a developing nation you quickly understand what it really means to be in need. Although my heart has always broke over poverty I have never been fully able to surrender my lavish American lifestyle. I have dreamed of one day giving up this American lifestyle of more, more, more in order to live like the majority of the world does - on very little, with very little. Why? Because these people know what it is to be in need and these people know what it means to need Jesus!

The people I have met in developing nations know Jesus in a way that I only dream of! They KNOW Jesus and have seen Him work in mighty ways in their lives. I want that! I want to KNOW Jesus, to hunger for Him and His word, to be so dependent on Him that I am in constant prayer because that's how I survive.

As hard as it has been to sell my many possessions it has been such a freeing experience. I'm trying to get this feeling seared into my being. The understanding the less is more. Even though I am not moving to a developing nation I believe one day I will and I want my heart prepared in advance.

I want to life a thankful life not a spoiled life.
~Nicole