When smiles fade

Maybe I am alone in this, but I really don't think so. As a Christian, what do you do when the smile fades? Other than get yucky frown lines...

When I became a believer I had a totally unrealistic expectations. I really believed that accepting Jesus meant freedom from all pain. Like I said I had unrealistic expectations.

And you really can't blame me... that's how it appeared each and every time I went to church. Everyone's smiles were bright and flashy. Responses to the how are you? question was answered with a smiling Blessed!. And when someone dared to skip the smile and answer with something like, fine. ok. not the best. they seemed to be looked down upon.

But let's get real people. Literally, let's get real. Life is hard. Why? Oh to name the reasons...

From the time God called me into missions at age 14 I had this perspective of missionaries. I'm not sure where I got it from. It is a dangerous perspective though. I had a thought that missionaries are super spiritually mature, never doubt God, love God and others perfectly, and have it all together. With this perspective stuck in my head the striving quickly took root.

I did not and do not fit the mold that my perspective made. Fear, rejection, disqualification quickly settled in once I said yes to this journey. I most definitely do not have it all together! To be honest sometimes I act like a spiritual baby, have days I can't even see God the doubt is so thick, and I love God and others as poorly as I love myself. Ummm yeah, there's no way I could ever be a "good" missionary.

Oh the lies we believe about ourselves...

I did not grow up going to church. Church was forced on me by my parents at a time when I honestly thought God was a big bad word up in the sky and I hated even the thought of him. And then at a time of utter weakness God made Himself real to me. He extended His gentle hand as a life-preserver and scooped me up from a really dark pit. He looked at me and spoke to me with love and kindness, all of which was not deserved. Never once did He request I smile or fake a Blessed! response.

He saved me despite my hatred toward Him. He embraced me despite the stench of bitterness. He loved me despite the self made pit I was living in. He handed me a life-preserver called Hope.

And that is why God asked me to go. To take on missions. To live as a missionary. Because I know the only thing I have to give people is the life-preserver I was given... Hope. Hope that is the man Christ Jesus.

When the smiles fade and all that is left is a shell of the person you were there is always hope.

~Nicole


"And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:23-25