Onward

Today marks 8 weeks since Mom's death.  It's hard to believe it has been two months since she's been gone.  It's harder to believe that it has now been 67 days since I last spoke to her, since I last heard her voice... for the last time.

It's hard.  

I promise not every post will start off sad from now on!  But for me words bring healing.  Talking about Mom is hard to do but for me it is necessary.  I think about her constantly.  So why not talk about her?!

Like the title says I am starting to move onward.  When Mom died some people thought that I would not be continuing on with my career.  Some even felt the need to tell me that.  However, I could never imagine not moving forward with my life's dreams... being a missionary is one of those dreams.  I know my Mom.  I know that she would expect me to continue, to move onward when the time came.  To pursue my passions and live out my dreams.  She would be mad if I didn't.  I would become resentful if I didn't.

So, yes I am moving onward.  Life now just looks different.  I am excited to say that I have two plane tickets booked and I will finally be on Mali soil on February 6th!!!

Since Mom's death my faith has grown.  I believe now more then ever before in the God I serve.  I believe now more than ever that I am meant to spend my days, my energy, my life giving all I have and all I am to my God.  I want nothing more than to give everything to Him.  For me this looks like leaving my family and friends and moving to Africa. 

Some may think that I'm crazy for going.  Many people thought I was crazy for even wanting to go in the first place and many more will think I am certifiable to go now.  But honestly, not going is the only thing that seems crazy to me.  Moving to Mali makes sense to me.  It might be the only thing that makes sense to me right now.  

And I have my Mom to thank for that.  Yes, she thought I was crazy too but through her life and death, I feel God has given me a special glimpse into His heart.  I believe God desires every person to know Him intimately and live their lives filled with His love.  That our lives are not to be lived just waiting for eternity but to LIVE eternity now, being overcome by His love and touching the world with that love.  I believe my Mom, in death, encountered Jesus face to face and was overcome by His love.  Oh but what it could have been like for her to LIVE each day filled with that love.  I don't want one person to not know the love of Jesus and live filled with it!!!  

God has been preparing me for 27 years for this... He gave me a heart for children, for orphans, for the destitute, for the hurting, the broken, the widow.  He gently prepared me to love motherless children by allowing me to become a motherless child.  He prepared me to love the broken by allowing me to be broken.  He prepared me to love the hurting by allowing me to hurt.  He prepared me to love the widow/widower by allowing me to be the daughter of a widower.  He called me and He has equipped me.

I continue to move onward because I believe God and I am willing to take Him at His word!  Revelation 7:9-10 says, "After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”  

I believe this.  I believe Jesus is worthy to be loved by every nation, tribe, people and language.  I also believe that Jesus LOVES every nation, tribe, people, and language!  

~Nicole



P.S.  As I write this I am listening to this song on repeat... it just fits...