That week had been particularly stressful. I was still waiting for my passport and I was not handling my stress well. So I didn't call her. Any time I was super stressed about something and told Mom about it, she would take on that stress too. I didn't want that for her, or me.
All week long I wanted to call her. Time and time again I went to pick up the phone to call her but I stopped myself each time. She has enough on her plate right now. She doesn't need you adding to it! So the week passed and I was so looking forward to our Sunday skype date. I had so many things I wanted to talk to her about.
That Sunday skype date never happened.
I didn't get to tell her all the things I wanted to.
The last time I talk to her, the last time I got to her my Momma's voice was nine days before she died. Those nine extra days fill my heart with so much pain. I cry often over those nine extra days.
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Today a memory from Mom's funeral crept into my heart. After the funeral service my family and I did a receiving line. We wanted to see everyone who came and thank them for coming. To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur.
But one couple will be forever seared into my mind. A man and a woman came up to Dad and I but I had no idea who they were. I smiled at them as they introduced themselves. They lived at the apartment complex where my Mom was the office manager. I was taken back by them being there but then what they said next took my breath away. Without Julie, we would have been homeless. She was such a wonderful lady. We are going to miss her so much.
Mom was honest and a bit brash at times. She said it like it was. And when she was passionate about something, you knew it!
The thing that many people didn't know about my Mom was how tender and big her heart was! She often hid it because in her line of work, a tender and big heart is a target to get walked all over and taken advantage of. She would help someone, it would back fire, she'd get burned and she'd swear to never help again. BUT the next time and there always was a next time, she would help.
I am so thankful that couple decided to come to her funeral and have the courage to share (something that could be humiliating) with me and my family. I needed to hear it. My Dad really needed to hear it.
My Momma touched so many lives during her time on earth. I just wish she could have known that when she was still here.
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Today I went out to lunch with two friends. On our way in two little kiddos (maybe 6 or 7 years old) came up to one of them and began talking with her. She knew these two from her time spent with homeless children in our city. They asked her for stuff, they asked me for money, and like the hundreds of times before I said no. They continued to smile their heart melting smiles.
As we were finishing up I had part of my sandwich left and Natali had some french fries left. We were both think the same thing... let's wrap this up for them!
As I walked to the car with the To Go bag in my hand, the two little ones quickly approached me with those huge heart melting smiles. I bent down so I could look the one little girl in the face and handed her the bag. Her smile took up her whole face. She quickly said merci! and turned to share with the other little girl. They followed closely as we got in the car, still smiling. With a cute little wave, she said au revoir.
Gosh, I wanted so badly to scoop them both up in the biggest hugs.
Mom and I are both very passionate people. Passionate about different things but passionate nonetheless. My Mom taught me to be strong and to be committed.
Even though I didn't see it before, I'm more like my Momma than I thought. And that's something to be proud of.
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