Love. Love. Love. I can say it so many times and in so many different ways and yet no matter how many times I hear it I'm still baffled. What does this word mean. Why do I say it. Why do we need it. Love. One simple word that has a cause and effect that is unimaginable.
I love to love. I hate to love. I love to be loved. I push being loved away. Love.
Love. Love. Love. Sometimes I tell myself if I say the word enough times I will believe its meaning. Maybe if I push the repeat button on the word I will get it. Love.
Love. Its hard. Its wonderful. Its costly. Its at the core of our being.
Love. Love. Love. Even saying the word is hard at times. Can you love someone you hate? Can you love when you hurt? Or do you only love when it is easy to do and feels good? So many questions attached to this one word. SO much is attached to this word, Love.
Yesterday was valentine's day. Maybe my resentment of the day is because I am single or maybe my resentment of the days is because it makes me sad or maybe it's a combination of both OR something entirely different... Today as I process some of the emotions from yesterday my heart is heavy. Heavy for myself and for others.
I long to be loved. We all long to be loved. I desire to be loved every day. Every day as if it were valentine's day. Every human being has this same desire. Every heart is crying out Love me! Hold me! Notice me! Tell me I'm special! Tell me I'm wonderful! Tell me I'm the only one! Love me, LOVE ME!!!
This cry is heard so loud and clear on valentine's day. I feel like this cry is stifled, silenced under blankets of lies and deceptions every other day of the year that when this v-day comes around the cry is so loud that it is obscene.
Yesterday my heart hurt for children. My heart hurts everyday for children but there was such a burden for them yesterday. I cry as I think of this, I cry in desire of wanting to hold each of their hearts. Imagine with me, close your eyes and remember grade school. Do you remember the child that was always left out. Can you picture the outsider(s) in the classrooms? Now think about valentine's day through your 8 year old heart. Imagine walking over to your valentine's box that you worked so hard on to make it look cool and as you walk over with great anticipation you find the box empty. What does that do to you/that child/the heart inside that precious being.
Love! Love? Unloved. Unwanted. Not worthy. Broken. To. Pieces.
My heart breaks for the child who calls the concrete of a street her bed. For the child who has never known the basic love of a parent. The little boy who is fed the scraps from a trash can. What does their valentine's day look like? What love do they know?!
Love. Love! Love? Love...
These precious, beautiful children are crying out Love me. Hold me. Notice me. Feed me. Clothe me. Bathe me. Tell me I'm special. Tell me I'm wonderful. Tell me I'm the only one. Tell me you will love me. Love me. Love ME. Me also!!!
How do I reconcile this? How do I rejoice in a day that is meant to be about love when I look around and see nothing but counterfeit love? How do I celebrate a day that causes me to be selfish and filled with self-pity? Love. Love?
Love. Love. Love. Love! Love?
There is a reason this word is weighty. There is a reason this word is both wonderful and painful. There is a reason this word stirs up emotions. There is a reason.
Love is the reason the world was made. Love is the reason you were created. Love is the reason a man from little town called Nazareth was beaten and nailed on a cross to die. Love is the reason that innocent yet powerful blood spilled from this man. Love is the reason.
As you cry out, Love me! Hold me! Notice me! Tell me I'm special! Tell me I'm wonderful! Tell me I'm the only one! Love me, LOVE ME!!! There is a man who is whispering, I love you! I will hold you! I see you! I made you perfectly and think you are amazing! I love you. I. LOVE. YOU!
And as the little ones cry out, Love me. Hold me. Notice me. Feed me. Clothe me. Bathe me. Tell me I'm special. Tell me I'm wonderful. Love me. LOVE ME. Me also. There is a man who says to them, I love you! I will hold you! I see you! I will feed you and clothe you and bathe you. I will be all that you need. I made you perfectly and think you are amazing! I love you. I. LOVE. YOU! You my child, are my favorite!
Love. Love. Love.
I will love the best I can. I will receive love the best I can. But I will put all my heart, all my brokenness, all my pain, all my hopes, all my heaviness on the one who is able to carry it all. The one who loves perfectly. Who loves rightly. Who loves without end. Who loves in brokenness and in delight. Who loves no matter the circumstance. Who loves when I can't. Who loves when I won't. Who loves me, who love you. The one whose name is Love. Jesus.
Love. Love. Love. Jesus. You're His favorite!
Nicole
"Consequently, [Jesus] is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God though [Jesus], since [Jesus] always lives to make intercession for them." Hebrews 7:25
Beautifully written, Nicole!! Brought tears to my eyes. I was that girl who didn't get any Valentine's and I remember it like it was yesterday! Love is a tough thing. I think that a part of the longing all of us have is trying to get to that "perfect" love that our hearts desire but we will never have it. We can only get the perfect love from our Savior, Jesus Christ. It's the only unconditional love around. Even being a mom doesn't bring unconditional love. As much as we try, some days are better than others and always seem conditional on how our children are behaving. We all strive for "love" but ultimately come up short. Loving our Lord is as close at we can come but the love He has for us is utterly and wonderfully perfect!
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