Here and There

All I can think about these days is how much I want to be "there".  And then I think about how that might make people "here" feel.  Then I feel bad for wanting to be there and not here.

Ugh.

You remember when you were a kid and you didn't want to go to sleep because you just knew that if you went to sleep you would miss something going on and for sure that thing you missed would never ever happen again.  That is how I feel.  I am a six year old fearful that I am missing out on the most wonderful things that will never happen again.

Now since I am not six I do understand that it is not true but yet there is very little that is going to convince my heart of that. 

My world is so split right now.  As is my heart.

I'm trying to navigate this but I'm not sure I am doing very well...